Monday, May 31, 2004
Everybody’s talking
But they don’t say a thing
They look at me with sad eyes
But I don’t want the sympathy
Its cool you didn’t want me
Sometimes you can’t go back
But why’d you have to go and make a mess like that
Well I just have to say
Before I let you go
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
No I don’t need your number
There’s nothing left to say
Except I never thought it’d hurt this much to be saved
My friends are outside waiting
I’ve gotta go
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)
What you did was low (low)
I walk out of this darkness
With no sense of regret
And I go with a clear conscience
We both know that you can’t say that
Here's to show
For all the time I loved you so
So
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
What you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
When the truth came out
Were you the last to know?
Were you left out in the cold?
Cause what you did was low
Have you ever been low?
Have you ever had a friend that let you down so?
Cause what you did was low
the scariest thing is not death but being forgotten-
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:51 PM [comment]
***
it seems that some people just cannot get the idea of preventing their beloved ones from feeling low and forgotten, what a life we should have to face then, facing people who should be told to remember us all the time, and minutes later they have already forgot you.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:46 PM [comment]
***
Saturday, May 29, 2004
I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
and the reason is you
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
-its the theme song for my solitude heart this season-
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 2:13 AM [comment]
***
Tuesday, May 25, 2004
Why is it so? Let me tell you. It’s the end of this term. And most likely, this city I am living in at the moment will become bit quiet than the usual days. Everyone is going home, if you are not taking the short term classes than you will have full three months of free from classes and tasks days, while if you take the short term classes then you will have at least 2 weeks to prepare yourself before the classes start. One weak point, still this city turns into that almost silent graveyard (kidding :p).
It is the beginning, cause it’s the time of the short-term classes to take over the scheme. New atmosphere will be felt. As its already one year since the last freshmen welcome, then we will have another freshmen. Yes, that is another beginning. Whoops, how time flies huh?
Another end is for people like me, in particular for the class of 2000, especially for us (including me) who have taken the undergraduate thesis writing (which is so skeptic, so intimidating, makes you harder to breathe). We have to be graduated before October this year, if not it means another spending for our parents, and as good kids we try to prevent that. It’s the end for people of my age, for the class of 2000 to think of fun, joy, or whatever that used to be considered with the word “wit, fun, joy, party”. Damn that’s hard.
One life is on the peak of its glorious moment of growing up; one life is entering the world of grown up. Which part is yours?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:33 PM [comment]
***
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now--I've finally moved on
It's not so bad--I'm not that sad
I'm not surprised just how well I survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain--I'm free again
Chorus:
And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath--to forget
Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back--as a matter of fact
It only hurts when I breathe
Mmm, no, I've never looked back--
as a matter fact
Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe
It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing Lyrics
Artist(Band):Shania Twain
Cry / Faith Hill
If I had just one tear running down your cheek
Maybe I could cope maybe I'd get some sleep
If I had just one moment at your expense
Maybe all my misery would be well spent
Yeah.... Could you cry a little
Lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave now I 'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me
If your love could be caged, honey I would hold the key
And conceal it underneath the pile of lies you handed me
And you'd hunt those lies
They'd be all you'd ever find
And that'd be all you'd have to know
For me to be fine
Yeah.... And you'd cry a little
And die just a little
and baby I would feel just a little less pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me
Give it up baby
I hear your doin' fine
Nothing's gonna save me
I can see it in your eyes
Some kind of heartache, darlin
give it a try
I don't want pity
I just want what is mine
Yeah... Could you cry a little
And lie just a little
Pretend that you're feeling a little more pain
I gave now I'm wanting
Something in return
So cry just a little for me
Yeah... Cry just a little for me
woo ooo, could you cry a little for me
yeah, yeah
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:16 PM [comment]
***
Tuesday, May 18, 2004
Its Tuesday, I was suppose to join a class of comparative literature at 11, but I was stonned and got this hung over from last night. I could not wake up, and it’s already 1.30pm when I took the bath. Well, I still have Friday to make up the class. Anyway, for those of u who tried to use the GQ link and the nerve e-zine link I would like to say sorry cause the link is temporarily down, I don’t know how long this inconvenience will be such annoying stuff for u guys, but hopefully I can recover the link ASAP. But this far, hopefully u can still enjoy everything. Anyway, please tell me what stuffs I should add to make this blog more enjoyable and entertaining for u guys. Well, here’s the deal, if u want 2 use the nerve zine link please type in the user space: stanleyosmond, and the password is nervezine, let’s make this a collective site, for all of us. Give me comment on this,k?! don’t forget to log out everytime u finish watching the zine, and please do not make any necessary changes on the zine, let it be my job.
Don’t stop ur cool huh, I will leave u guys, need to hook up a bit, I got to unload this stress.hahaha!
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 3:55 PM [comment]
***
nerve is a free publication magazine which was meant to gather the creativity and team work among the english letters department in my university. it's been a very hard work, with many ups and downs within the making of this magazine, especially when we counter the problems with money, we almost give up, and now we're trying to publish it locally, yet still money is the heart of the problem. so,i would waste no time as i have this blog, i made it into an e-zine.just click the link on the bottom left, and enjoy nerve!
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 3:41 AM [comment]
***
Monday, May 17, 2004
Wanna tell u that I have added some pics on my gallery (just click the link on the bottom left of this page), and u have to notice that some of the images are the snapshots of Battle Royale cult film. Lately, I am one of the fans, not fanatic though; just love the idea of the mercilessly killing between the students. For those who don’t know what Battle Royale is all about then u would have to find it urself, and then u would feel the sense of a Battle Royale. But, let me tell u a bit of the story. Battle Royale is a system carried out by Japan govt. to educate the students, and form them into a generation, which the people can rely on. Because somehow it’s depicted there that the young generation has turned into sum what irresponsible being, expensive children, useless spoiled brat. The system is carried out annually to seek the most eligible students among the students in the class, which becomes the model of the project. A certain 9th grade class within the country will be selected to apply the system. It is very simple. You just have to kill each other, and becoming the survivor. Three days, and only one should survive, if more than one survive then the deadly collar will explode, and no one will survive.
In Battle Royale, a smash controversial cult movie in Japan in 2000 because the explicit content of harsh and violence visuals, gore actions, 41 students were sent to an island in a middle of the sea to join the system. They were given packs of stuffs to survive within three days, including random selected weapons to protect themselves from their friend. Be the sole survivor of the game, the rule is there is no rule, just kill and make urself alive in the 3rd day. Check ur local video rental to watch the movie, and tell me.
Following the success of the first Battle Royale, came the Battle Royale II: The requiem in 2003. The rule is the same, but now with different class. That’s the tag line.
Why I am so hooked up by this flick, only one thing: controversy. I mean, can u kill ur best friend? While if u don’t kill him, then he would kill u, where’s the point anyway? Just prepare urself to see other side of ur best friend there.
One thing dude, if u r having problems with ur heart or whatever, don’t watch this movie.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 4:58 PM [comment]
***
Sunday, May 16, 2004
sunday morning, its the morning, the very morning which i could not enjoy cause i am so sleepy, but still i couldnot sleep, i stay awake all night long, i just could not sleep, then i got here. within the cyber world. huahhmmm.i yawn every body.
previously,i went to a 24 hour food vendor,here tehy call it burjo, i met with people who just got back from playing R.O. aka Ragnarok. its just that i cannot understand the sense of this game, and i saw the face of one of this guy who seemed to enjoy the game so much, that he boast about everything he knows about the game, such a pity men. it doesn't make them grow up. am i right or i said the wrong thing'?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:01 AM [comment]
***
Ibuku wanita yang cantik dan penuh perhatian,
Wajahnya diukir oleh malam dan bulan selalu senang untuk bersinar atasnya
Sehingga akupun tidur dalam pelukannya
Kulupakan tapak kakiku yang berdarah dan sesaknya napas saat kulihat Ibu di pintu
Menyambutku pulang dengan kasih yang wangi bak melati,
Dan wanginya tidur di seluruh sudut rumah kami,
Pada Ayah, pada adik-adikku
Di dapur, di kamar tidur, di meja makan…
Terlebih di mata dan jantungku yang selalu menantikannya.
Ibu tumbuhkan sayap-sayap di jiwaku, ia jaga jiwaku agar pada waktunya aku dapat terbang dengan sayap yang kokoh dan gagah, meninggalkannya-
Tapi aku tahu, tak mungkin bagiku ucapkan selamat tinggal padanya.
Aku tahu saat aku ucapkan itu napasku akan terhenti, dan yang kucium dalam peluk bukanlah yasmin tapi bunga bangkai yang memetik lagu kubur selama sisa hidupku…
Ibuku yang cantik, chrysanthemum hatiku, bulan malamku, kasih abadi jiwaku, air yang selalu mengalir dalam sunyinya nafasku…
Pergi dalam genggaman waktu, dan kematian yang menghentikan napasnya-saat aku tak mau melihat itu terjadi.
Pergi dengan jiwa sunyi yang kini bernaung di hatiku.
Bahkan ayat terakhir hidupnya, saat ia tutup matanya untuk semesta, aku bermain dalam mimpiku.
Tapi aku dengar sayup sayup-sayup gonggongan ngeri di tengah komposisi sunyi dan dingin yang dimainkan malam.
Ibuku yang penuh kasih, untukku dan duniaku…
Sampai sekarang aku tak berani terbang,
Karena sayapku retak, patah, dan terluka-ngilu, pedih,
Sunyi mengakar dalam napas dan aliran darahku.
Akibat langkahmu yang terlalu jauh dan tak bisa kukejar itu, bulu-bulu di sayapku gugur, mengering, dan hangus dibakar oleh sedih,
Dan sayapku hilang sebelum aku ingin menjaga dan memeliharanya-dan terbang seperti yang kau inginkan dariku
Ibuku yang penuh cinta, untuk napas dan jiwaku…
Pagi saat kau tinggalkan waktu di bumi ini,
Sudut-sudut kamar di dalam raga ini kehilangan cahay yang menyinari, menghangatkan, memberi keamanan…
Mataku mengisahkan tangis saat kuucapkan kata yang tak ingin kuucapkan itu-
Akhirnya hari untukmu untuk mengukir kata itu di ayat hidupku tiba- dan kepingan hatiku bertambah hancur, remuk…
Ibuku penuh cinta, kini dan kelak…
Hancur jiwaku karena kau takkan pernah melihat sayapku tumbuh lagi dan terbang dengan gagah seperti yang kau inginkan…
Ibuku yang penuh kasih, hangat bagi malam dinginku…
Sekarang mataku buta dan langkahku tak jelas,
Nyala di hidupku padam-tanpa bayangmu,
Sayapku akan terbang, tapi aku tak tahu aku harus terbang kemana dan untuk siapa,
Aku ingin terbang untukmu, bersamamu.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 1:54 AM [comment]
***
It’s Sunday already, and its dawn, and I can’t close my eyes, cause I am not sleepy yet…so I went here, and wrote these lines…this things are addictive, now, I just got to tell u, that’s why…how privacy is so expensive these days, even when u got one u sell them away, wannabe famous? Don’t know anyway.
Since I have chosen to be this way, leaving, sensing the way of just being me, not curious to stuffs that made me even worse, stuffs which possibly lead me to my nervous breakdown and may be suicide, though I am such a thoughtful guy and I am thinking about it all the time, thinking how its just damn hard to enjoy the feeling of being you, how actually the company of people really preserve ur sanity. Yet, there is time, thank God, when u just need a priority, and things will break u apart, things that set u apart from ur beloved ones, and places, distances, importance will put u and them distance away, u would have to ask me how that feels while weeks ago they are the acquaintances of ur solitude, and now u don’t even try to guess what they are up to. And life is a matter of adaptation. U just have to let it go, and stop being curious, they got stuffs that just doesn’t fit to ur broken soul, cause u kept comparing it, and in the end there is only one answer that will let u down, go deep down, straight 2 ur sickness. And it’s just sick, u tell me. It’s just too sick.
Exhibit B, that’s me, one that cant stand on his own feet and needing the caring and support of other to make him sense and realizing his full sanity.
Remember the titans is not so bad anyway, for a broken hearted guy, whom previously was like watching someone like you soap opera episode, how love is just around the corner, finding the right person who is there…just there, hugging you, supporting you, when u r such a mess, and cant tell whether things r right or wrong. Will this is how nights gonna be my company and let me share the stories to one that cant even respon?
God, I need a hand with my life.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 1:50 AM [comment]
***
Friday, May 14, 2004
Friday, not yet a beautiful day, it’s another day I am living my choice, I am walking on the path that I choice (am I right? Or I did it the other way around). Thanks to ableh for giving such a big help to me on this blog, we’ve done many things to bring u another good look of this space, for example, now u can check out the links (yep, the lost links have been brought about again, they are the sites I often visited recently, with the addition on ableh’s blog, a blog belongs to a friend of mine-an author-Ve Handojo, and cybersastra-where u can publish ur work of literature through the cyber space (its in Indonesian), u know the rest of the links).
The other addition is a new tag board!! (Yeah)…where u can put ur comment on this blog, connect urself to me, and other people who (will) visit this blog also (yet, I also put link for those of u who wants to post comment on each of the posting that I’ve written on the bottom of each posting)…
One more new stuff on this page? Have u noticed a banner there (actually, it’s an image) which has my name on it…. a bit narcissts huh? Well, it’s just for identification, giving an exquisite characteristic of this page, that’s all. Well, I am doing my gallery now, just click the gallery link and connect urself to my on-line gallery. There’s only few images there (not only the image of my friends, but also other cool images which I am fond of with) , but I promise I will add them…for ur satisfaction.hahaha.nahhhhh…
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:52 PM [comment]
***
Thursday, May 13, 2004
its hard to make one cares about you right? damn right, can u live as one who does not need the attention and caring from other? can u live like the underground man? do i need to alienate my mind from being ocupied by the need of caring? can i live without any caring,live on my own, alienates myself from things that struck me to my sanity? and losing temper (and sanity) due to the lost of caring?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:44 PM [comment]
***
can this work...
rollingstone.com,
hoobastank.com,
vehandojo.blogdriver.com,
jamelia.com,
hotmail.com,
billboard.com,
japanesestreet.com,
stanleyosmond.buzznet.com
just click these links, cause amazingly (f-ish!) i lost them in my previous template, therefore i have to change a new one, with 2 additional links which will address you to hotmail(i think this one is quiet clear) and japanesestreet.com (for u guys who like japanese street wear, they have great photos in here, unfortunately only for sale)...
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 5:57 PM [comment]
***
thursday...i decided to make this site as a forum for my 2000 class, the one and only 2000ners english letters department pupil...just click the buzznet link, cause i am putting the pictures of the people in this link, the people of my class...the memorable year, memorable people, extraordinary ladies and gentleman if i may call...hahahaha, welcome old crack!!
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 5:26 PM [comment]
***
mmm,anway, i missed the review on the two last plays performed by my junior. Earnest was really nice, great cast (i admit that) and really nice performance, they brought about strong memorable performance for the audience.at first i was not realy sure cause Earnest is a play of word's witt, its the words that matter-since its victorian british then i am doubtful that we will laugh,- but it turned out the other way around, and i am quite satisfied (especially because they are amateur)...
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 1:56 PM [comment]
***
Wednesday, May 12, 2004
well, the sites i included in the links are sites that i have always visited recently.and i can say that they are good sites, well firstly,nou doubt about billboard and rollingstone as they serve u with the latest news on music, movies, and entertainment. the rest are the sites belong to jamelia (lately i am realy fond of her ear catchy 'superstar' and the moral antheme 'thank u' while hoobastank is also lately being a quite hot band in the states with their 'the reason' which also becoming the title of their latest album and surprise2!! becoming the opening theme for a sensational lot- more- cool- than- Beverly Hills 90210- tv series The Orange County (G.Q. magazine wrote that this series is a powerful tv show which is included in their 100 power list, cos they said that there are many cool bitches in O.C. than Tiffany amber thiesen in BH) yummy....
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:38 PM [comment]
***
hi,its been an awful day again, the only way...well,there are two ways...do some talkings,or just let it go
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:26 PM [comment]
***
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
sorry, last night i tried to publish the link yet i failed.sorry again. well, i am not a mediocre low tech guy but the world is getting more sophisticated each minute, u just gotta follow right? so,give me time to learn this blog-ish stuff. anyway try this..stanleyosmond.buzznet.com
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:54 AM [comment]
***
Monday, May 10, 2004
mmm, right now i am trying to put images on this blog, hopefully i can do it, cause it seems i need to learn more.damn.yeah.this is the link. type it in a new browser for the moment, and hopefully the link will be on duty in the near future.yayaya.anyway,i havent put any pictures there.hehehe,this is the link enjoy yo
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 10:08 PM [comment]
***
senin,basi...hari ini ada play anak 2001,a new start, a new generation. memorable, and full house. i consider so, cause many2 people even from the PBI came. they should see that,yeah.
the play entitled EVERYMAN, a moralist play, and they brought it out beautifully, covering the esthetic performance and great attitude on the stage,with great cast. i am really impressed.and what's more on this was that they dance. especially the fall of men scene, tne snake was very lustfull...hahahaha.another great play tomorrow, hopefully a nice one because its based from one of my fave play...The importance of being earnest.yeahhh
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 9:28 PM [comment]
***
Sunday, May 09, 2004
sunday...i gotta get through this...i got to...this awful entry, these damn sucks feelings that make me hate the world around me,so much...and all of the people within the context of surroundings.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:31 PM [comment]
***
Saturday, May 08, 2004
seperti biasa...basi,basi,dan basi...have u ever wake up in the morning and u found urself having no reason in ur godamn life to do a single thing, that there is this hole within ur breath that u must fill first before u eventually can move from ur fat ass and do a thing?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 5:43 PM [comment]
***
Tentang aku (saat itu).
Akulah pria yang hancur berkeping-keping.
Pecahan jiwaku yang rapuh tersapu di bawah jagad ini, dan aku tak tahu kemana saja mereka pergi. Aku harus menemukan mereka, agar raga ini bisa berpijak dengan kokoh di atas semesta. Jiwaku pecah berkeping-keping seiring dengan hilangnya cinta dan harapan dalam jiwaku, akan sesuatu yang indah, sesuatu yang baik, sesuatu yang damai, sesuatu yang hangat-seperti pelukan ibu saat senja yang dingin dan segelas susu hangat yang menemanimu mendengar ceritanya saat matamu hampir terlelap di atas ranjang.
Jiwaku pecah berkeping-keping seiring dengan sadarnya rohku akan kesendirian ku melakukan pelayaran ini. Saudara-saudariku entah kemana. Tak ada yang ikut berlayar bersamaku dan menegakan sauh, mengibarkan layar, mengarahkan haluan. Saat badaipun aku sendirian. Pandangan tak seberapa membuatku terpaut antara hidup dan mati.
Panas akan terasa panas, dan dingin akan menusuk tulangku-demikianlah adanya aku, setelah hancur berkeping-keping. Tak ada lagi keyakinan bahwa aku akan menemukan awak kapal agar aku sekiranya tak perlu berlayar sendirian, dan dengan luka yang menganga tak perlu kiranya aku bersedih. Aku berlayar di samudera jauh, hanya sesekali bertemu dengan pedagang di atas kapal dagangnya, jarang kutemui pulau yang bisa kujadikan tempat istirahat saat aku merasa lelah berlayar sendirian.
Seringnya aku tidur dipayungi malam dan semesta yang luas tak berbatas, berpadu cinta antara biru dan hitamnya dunia dengan pijaran bintang-bintang yang mengintip di kejauhan.
Aku lah pria yang hancur berkeping-keping. Dalam mimpi aku sendiri. Mencari tambang untuk menambatkan kapalku, tapi tak kutemukan dan aku harus terus berlayar-mencari sebuah kepastian. Di antara gelombang laut, barisan ikan, karang, pasir yang mungkin dapat memberikan jawaban bagi jiwaku yang kosong dan meranggas.
Bibirku mengering, tak dapat kutemukan sumber air yang mampu melegakan dahaga, tak ada gadis yang mencurahkan cintanya bagi sumur jiwaku yang mendambakan sentuhannya.aku harus terus berlayar, mencari musim semi yang mampu menyegarkan hidupku, memberi air bagi keringnya nuraniku.
Akulah pria yang hancur berkeping-keping. Aku masih berjalan di bawah panas, tanpa lindungan.mencari di mana aku bisa menemukan tempat berteduh, agar aku bisa beristirahat. Aku mencari kemana bunda pergi, hilang ditelan waktu dan raganya berhenti tak dapat kukejar. Cintanya masih berdegup, dan masih kupegang.
Saat kudengar cinta dikatakan untukku, aku akan berhenti sesaat dan menangis, karena mungkin aku masih punya harapan untuk menemukan sauh supaya aku dapat mengistirahatkan letihnya jiwa ini, luka yang sudah menganga di tapak kakiku yang sudah mengeras. Mencairkan hatiku yang membatu dan mengakar dengan kebencian dan kesedihan. Begitulah hatiku. Mengering dalam sepi dan mati dalam sendiri. Tanpa kunjung melihat adanya harapan dan sinar cerah. Mungkin bukan tidak akan tapi belum, dan perahu masih harus berlayar sampai sebuah pulau yang bernama ‘penyembuhan’ menampakan wajahnya untuk fajar jiwa yang kering.
Jiwa: Apa judulnya?
Raga: pria yang hancur berantakan…
Jiwa: siapa si pria. Kamu?
Raga: menurutmu?
Jiwa: ohh.
Pria yang hancur berkeping-keping, terikat dalam sedihnya malam, dan semua yang masih terjaga saat malam mencumbu langit biru dan kelam. Pria yang jatuh dari tingginya langit suram napasnya, dengan napas yang sesak menyanyikan kematian, sungai yang mengering, kesakitan, penantian, kesendirian, air mata, dan semua yang menarik jiwamu dengan luka yang meneteskan darah.
Dalam jatuhnya ia hendak berteriak, tapi jiwanya sakit dan mulutnya tak dapat berkata-kata, ia tak ingin jatuh remuk di bawah sana. Jatuh remuk dan pecahannya akan hilang di bawa badai dari lautan yang tanpa ampun menghapus keberadaan dan ingatan semesta akan jiwanya yang sempat ada, dan tersiksa dalam sedih.
Tubuhnya hampir tidak merasakan apa-apa. Dalam jatuh hanya angin yang menepis rambutnya, dan menambah pedih lukanya. Lukanya terus berdarah tapi juga berusaha untuk mengering.
Bahkan luka nya berteriak:
Selamatkan dia! Selamatkan kami! adakah orang di atas sana yang mendengarkan kami?adakah orang di sekitar sini yang melihat dia jatuh ke jurang tanpa dasar yang akan mengikat jiwanya dengan ketiadaan? Lemparkan tali, terbanglah kemari, atau apa saja. Asal selamatkan kami. Selamatkan dia!
Tapi dia terus jatuh, dan air matanya mulai terbawa angin. Tak terdengar apa-apa kecuali angin. Tak ada yang mendengar dia jatuh. Dia tak berteriak. Dia terus jatuh. Mungkin dia memang ingin jatuh ke bawah sana. Mungkin dia akan selamat. Tak ada yang tahu. Tapi ia memang terus jatuh.
Pria itu tersenyum sesaat. Tapi air matanya terus mengalir. Aku tahu dia ingin beteriak, memanggil mereka untuk menyelamatkannya. Tapi mustahil ada orang yang mendengar di tempat itu. Mustahil bagi mereka untuk mendengar.
Pria itu terus jatuh ke dasar jurang yang tak nampak. Angin membawanya dengan cepat ke bawah. Ke ujung yang gelap dan pasti menyakitkan dan penuh dengan tawa miris kematian di bawah sana, yang terus memanggil jiwa-jiwa sunyi untuk bergabung dengan mereka.
Langit berubah menjadi ungu. Udara mulai sesak dan berbau racun. Ujung jurang itu mulai menebarkan aroma menyesakan dada yang tak seorangpun mau menghirupnya. Kegelapan mulai merayap di dinding-dinding jurang…..
Jiwa: dia mati?
Raga: belum.dia belum mati.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:41 AM [comment]
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Friday, May 07, 2004
jumat, dan semua seperti biasa,sakit hatiku belum hilang, belum ada permintaan maaf, what am I?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 2:41 PM [comment]
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Thursday, May 06, 2004
buat yang mampir ke sini, mau nanya apa,comment apa...bisa masukin comment di tiap posting yg gw buat, atau di blog-tag di bawah sono...yang di bawah banget di halaman ini...thx.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 4:03 PM [comment]
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kamis...basi, dan anjis...do u realy need to talk about the girl your friend (fell) for..and talk about how romantic she is now with her boyfriend? wasn't that fucked up? or is just my pride and ego?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 3:34 PM [comment]
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Wednesday, May 05, 2004
gw ga bisa tidur...udah seminggu gini mulu, bisa-bisa gw jadi kelelawar...kepikiran skripsi, kuliah, bonyok.semua bikin gw males, tertekan...basi. anyway, sekarang jam 2.20 pagi, dan gw ada di Joker tercinta.hu...uh.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 2:15 AM [comment]
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Tuesday, May 04, 2004
pengen masukin gambar gw di sini,tapi gimana caranya ya...duh gusti
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:50 PM [comment]
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duh, gw udah nyoba download new skins tapi tetep aja ga bisa, ono opo ya...
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:33 PM [comment]
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rabu...jogja itu kayaknya selalu panas ya, padahal dulu ga lo...sumpe dehh...dan hari ini gw telat sejam masuk di kelas comparative literature,basi...gw kira masuk jam12.ternyata buat hari ini doang jam11.mana diliatin segala, dan she said that i am late!!dan hebatnya lagi,essaynya baru disubmit minggu depan,gw kerajinan kali ya...ngga sih,reny (yap,reny yang mana lagi, reny yang pinter itulah) bilang aku selangkah lebih maju...hahahahahaha.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:07 PM [comment]
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Monday, May 03, 2004
baru buat, masuk lagi, edit lagi, jam 11 malam, besok ada essay comp.lit yang musti aku submit, but i haven't done it a bit...yeahh
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 11:03 PM [comment]
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selamat datang teman-temanku sekalian. hidup ini singkat, tapi juga panjang. buatlah dirimu dikenang...
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 10:58 PM [comment]
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