Friday, December 31, 2004
just like last year, this year i spend the new year's eve alone. apparently the whole braddies-thats my fam-went to some resident out there for my father's being appointed for a new position in his current office. he's moving to a new office, on a new place. anyway, i visited jakarta for like 2 days for a very solitude Christmas of my own. jakarta was raining cats and dogs when i arrived. it was like those noir movies. the sky was dark. many fogs above. and those times up there suddenly i remember movies in which the planes crahsed down. yikes. i watched too many movies. a horrid imagination you stanley! cut it out. thank God i landed safely. i took a cab and searched for a nice hotel where i can watched jakarta in silence for at least two days before actually going back to Pontianak.jakarta was nice during rainy season like this.i was quiet solem for me just to sit and lay in the hotel hours and hug someone. yeah someone.dont want to brag about this. its like paris during the victorian. when everything turned a bit sentimentil and moody. and the sky added the tone of your romantic evening.
anyway, Indonesia mourned a lot this week due to the big quake and tsunami that followed on the 26th of december. that was a terrific horror to end a year.a record. since i recalled a news which stated that this catasthrophy is the 5th worse natural disaster in a century. wow. i think its worst. it is. its never been this awful. i mean this is a disaster. like thousands of dead bodies on every corner of the currently dead city. Aceh is completely ruined. if Pontianak is located on the epicenter, no doubt that this city will also be swept away. i watched a news this morning saying that the calculation would precise that the reconstruction of a new aceh (aftermath) would take like 5 years until Aceh can really recover. its terrible, considering it current status as a military zone due to the possible atack of GAM on the area. now its completely blown away by water. may be its right...that we wont put attention to recover Aceh's condition had it not been this disaster. anything might be possible.
may God give strength for everyone losing their beloved ones in the disaster. may each casualties be blesses and fogive for their sins for they are being taken earlier. no one knows God's plans.
well, Pontianak has changed a lot this past few years. i hardly know the area anymore. many things are new for me. i visited my junior high school. the best school ever. i bought the old favorite meat balls i used to eat when i go to school there. i remember that its already expensive before the crisis and now it get a lot more expensive. but i think its the best meat ball ever. ever. nothing beats this city for its food. chinese food especially.
ahhh, so much things i missed about the city but somehow i know that i hardly belong here, my heart is out there. for something bigger.
anyway, i will leave the city in days a head. sigh.
what do i miss?
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:42 PM [comment]
***
Sunday, December 26, 2004
a friend of mine asked me what will occupy my time during few days before i eventually leave this city heading home. she bet that i would end up buzzing the lame friendster stuff. its a bit true. but i found myself stuffed with friendster things already-but the fact that i still wonder whether my friends are increasing still stunnes me. how much i will get today. what kinda people will connecting themselves to me. well, friendster is sort of a looking through the glass friendship. what you see is not always what u get. people put pretty pictures there to attract others. though the network already stated that no nude pictures, baby, animals, or cartoons may enter the profile still many bare, almost naked people, even pictures with penises flooding the site. beautiful dicks, but no way jose. its not their place to astonish people. explicitly, they are dick head. enough of them.
the thing is my friend only 30% right about her readings on my sleazy weekend. i watch movies. thats how i dozed my laziness. well, i should vary my movies later on.i would like to write many different genres and find unique plots and twists. thats it.
okay, recap: i watch
virtuosity and
the animatrix, among other movies i rented. surprisingly it has same based ideas. crime that takes place within codes, numbers, softwares, hardwares, world of illusion and simulation. thats the thing about those 2 movies. whats more is that they have the same way of entering the virtual world. some plug in on the back of their heads.and zoops...they are in the matrix.
in that
virtual world. russel crowe apparently the nemesis in virtuosity. ahh, he still looks study there. in gladiator he is already a beef. yumm. hahaha. and the animatrix is said to be a prep for those who up to now cant figure out what the matrix is all about. i was there,i mean losing the ideas on what neo and trinity were doing in 3 movies. its quiet tiring to simply understand what happen to the world in the matrix world. the raise of the machines (knock knock), the fall of men by the robots, the destruction of the world which cause the birth of zion and 01 'so called the nation of machines.' sigh. and after long understanding of those 2 movies-gosh!-apparently i recall that the matrix was also based on a movie back in 1988 called akira.
simply genious and amazing, my all time favorites. read the manga ones and up to now still looking forward to see the actual movies. akira was full of blood shed, psycho power, cool rides, nice explostions everywhere, nice heroine. its cool. just cool. and like all movies i stated previously, its hard dude. i heard that akira spent 2 hours and something. thats hell of a ride for animations. but again, akira was uncompetable. none of present animations can compete akira.
well, i will be back tuesday. be back with loads of pictures. cant wait to meet abel. he's so stuffed. okay, today's lesson is virtual reality.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 1:29 PM [comment]
***
Friday, December 24, 2004
its Christmas eve everyone!! whoops...eventually, this is the result of a tiresome waiting, possibly. cause for some people in the world, its the Christmas eve that counts, the waiting that counts, while when the Christmas itself comes the joy would cease a bit. and that happens on me too. i love the waiting, i love the night, i love the whole months, weeks, days we expect the birth of savior, but when it comes suddenly we realize that it will be away shortly, since the new year also emerges a head. its not a waste though. its just that the joy decreases a bit. and for a guy like me who happens to enjoy the waiting so much then it would be a lame week a head before new year's eve. thats it. and breaking news everyone:i wont be home for Xmas eve, Xmas day. i got this ticket destination Pontianak next tuesday. arhhhh. whats the point anyway? surprise: i am not that blue anymore thinking that i would spend the Xmas here alone. by far, i guess i can survive. oh come on stanley: its only blue Christmas. it wont get any worse. yeah. meaning that i would delay everything until the next tuesday. until i can meet my siblings, parents, families, old friends, the real trees, cookies. gosh.
i wonder, if now i already feel okay of not spending Xmas at home, what will happen within years a head? i'd be this awkward young male spending Christmas alone, all alone, and i would feel okay about it. has the harsh life formed me so well, this hard? like a pavement on the road, concrete on the walls? does modernity has something to do with the loss of natural feelings towards Christmas? people cannot lost their ideas on Christmas. Xmas cannot be compensate. the real thing is the best thing. would Xmas ceased day by day that the feeling of togetherness during Xmas eve suddenly dissapear? ohh, i am freaking out. who can't live without Christmas raise your hand! i will.
anyway, tonight might be the second Xmas eve i evet spent in jogja. which is dull. cause the first time i spent Xmas eve here was very much dull either. i knew no one. i was like 'what am i doing here...i suppose 2 stay at home with my families, going to church, whatever makes me happy this evening.' i thought that i could not come home. but now my father wants me to go home. i am expecting a battle of wit with him. i dont expect this. may be he does. and many plans changed this far. i am totally unavailable for janji jhoni. and can only be available on the set by january. sigh. darn.darn.darn. thats it. enough for plans. apparently, Rachel Maryam is also enrolled in the cast. it would be great to meet her on the set.
my sisters would embark themselves to Pontianak today. and i will take tomorrow's plane (if available), or either the 28th, since i enrolled myself at the latest time---okay this line is not usefull anymore, since its obvious that i will go home on the 28th. i went to Batavia air to check the queues. i lost my chance. okay then. 4 days left.
meaning that i should enlist things i can do on Xmas day by my own:
washing all my dirty clothes so that i'd be packing clean clothes when i'm going home;
clean my room so that it wont get any dusti-er after i get back home cause it seems that i will be home really later on in February;
what else? calling Budi and spend Xmas with him? so gay. well, i think he would be here.
suddenly i remember that once i had these old Christmas records, with songs from Nat king cole, frank, jim reeves, elvis, Andy Williams, perry como--ahh they were men who built the way i am now. bit vintage.
many people go home for Xmas, many people dont. and i am in the middle. i feel awkward, but i also feel less distressed.
merry Christmas everyone!
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:50 AM [comment]
***
Tuesday, December 21, 2004
4 days left to Christmas, and things went worst around me. its like a completion to the awful things that happened to me. actually it is not awful. if i consider these through budhits state of mind then i can call it 'shit happens.' some things happened to me, and the rest happened to other people.
anyway, tomorrow is national mother's day. or is it international? well still..i miss my mom a lot. though i have a new mom now, the thing is she's only like 5 or 6 or 7 years older than me. how i can call her mom? things have went hard between me and dad about this thing. i was like shock. my biological mother can never be replaced anyway. i am like...60% of her. okay, is it okay for u guys to read me brag here? so let us cut it out. i dont deserve to spill everything here. but one thing: when u still have ur mother around, love her-i mean it, she might be the only reason that u r still standing strong up to now. love her and tell her that u love her. cause no one knows tomorrow (okay, fat as poetic me!). i regret it all my life for not letting her know that i love her so much. i know its too late. but being possitive is okay. i asked my nerve once, while u became this lame and weak and spoiled, and sick and awful, and low most of ur times. and it answered like this: u miss someone and she can't be with you and u feel hurt about it. and i could only silence myself. it's right. damn right. i feel terrible about it. up to now. anyway, this is a picture of me and my sisters when we were only kids. we lived in this very old house on the northern part of remote area of borneo. my father is a civil cervant and he had to move everywhere on request.
![winny, mom, me, veny. back in 1991[left to right]](http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v298/stanleyosmond/gallery-msg-1087258048-2.jpg)
okay, the latest topic is : shit happens.
exhibit A, which actually happened. a boy named A, stays under the same roof with C and me. and A has this beautiful girl friend called B. somehow C also has a crush to B that when A found out about this backstreet love, A almost killed C. the show still goes on and C hid himself somehwere we dont know. i think no one should know and he should be gone by now. if not A would really kill him, for sure. and i would silence myself. for sure. gosh. it was like watching a hongkong movie. young and dangerous.
exhibit B, a guy named D stays under the same roof with me, A, and C. a friend of D, in his campus, a girl called E got pregnant with her boyfriend F. fuck his boyfriend. he fucked E and now she's with a baby and they dont know what to do. E then told D that she wanted to abort the baby. for God sake. as a good friend of E, D was sort of responsible and he met this headache cause E asked him about the safest and closest abortion nurse. For God sake. and fuck D because he asked me whether E should abort her baby. fuck me, suddenly i said 'how old is the baby? why dont u tell her to take pills?' fuck me.i was like shocked by thousands of volts. screw me cause i said those things. i must repent myself for being a stupid consultants. me and my big mouth. i involved myself in this plotting to kill a life. life of a kid who might never be able to see and to learn the beauty of life. u know what i really want to say to both of kiddos who did it with pointless thoughts : tell your parents to marry u guys!
D said that tomorrow he will be leaving to Semarang cause his friend knows how to do it. screw us. this is a devil loop hole. and we are stuck.
sigh. hopefully the baby is safe. cause a friend of mine, a close one is also having a baby now and she's getting married in January. oh i miss her. i think E should asks F to marry her and let them have the baby.
you can learn about abortion
here. learn about how dangerous it is and how precious a little life can be.if u dont know what to do, find someone who can help you, or tell your parents!
oghhhh....now i am screwed...i cannot think!!
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:20 PM [comment]
***
Sunday, December 19, 2004
the biggest holiday in a year is emerging everyone. how well have u prepared this year? i havenot make any preparation yet. i dont know what to prepare. new clothes are not in my list again. the tree probably still counts any feast. we have this white tree at home. like 6 years or something i dont know. dusty and already losing many of it artificial leaves. its plastic tree anyway. possibly i will change it next year. that one has turned lame for me. quite lame. like a used stockings, with ripped parts everywhere and totally sickening.
today i accompanied my two sisters with their Christmas shopping. its a tradition. a good one. cause malls and shopping centers turn into quite loveable spots to spend the afternoon and the evening. you will notice trees almost in every stores and vendores. you will be able to listen to Christmas songs, old or new ones. Christmas ornaments and decorations will be like...everywhere you look. its fun to see such a thing. once in a year people get to see lots of white, red, blue, green, silver, gold, brown...these are the colors of Christmas.
Christmas shopping is terribly fun. shopping is always fun. and the strain feet is a splendid presents after the shopping completes. i notice that this year my sisters turn to a bit ethnical. they searched for printed skirts and dresses. too bad vivi asmoro is not available in town, or debut pret a porter, or urban crew. we drove around the city to find the favorable items, and only a few can be found. sigh. i got really tired. my feet soared for a break. it seems another shopping is on the schedule within these days cause friday all of us will be heading home.
ahhh...i forgot to tell you guys that i will be home this Xmas. but i will miss the evening. probably i will arrive on the 25th. probably, since i am still enrole in the queue. sigh.
i wonder what will happen when i am home.
this means another changing plan...i wont be able to follow the preproduction. darn it. well, at least i am home and able to see the whole mall rats. naa...my partner in crime. hahahah.
anyway, we took some pictures today in the photobox. here are some of'em.
the chubby girl on the front is
winny, and the girl with the glasses is
veny. many said that i dont look like them, like their brother's in blood. whatever.
sigh.Lord, whats ur plan now?
am i expecting a big battle at home?
will i be able to go to Jakarta?
will i be able to meet the promising producers?
story continues...
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:49 PM [comment]
***
Saturday, December 18, 2004
weekend everyone. and this weekend i am back with freshnew hopes. always hopes huh? well, people may always dream anyway. its the dream that actually build your future. enough.
its dawn already. and like nights before. especially the night before saturday morning, the dawn after frinday night always filled with sleepless people-like me. people coming home from the clubs. and hackers. some bloggers i suppose are clustered into insomniacs. like i do.
received an e-mail from my producer asking me when will i come. i havent replied cause i dont even know how to get there. i think dad will let me go there. i need to tell him, soon.
like many perfect loner, i must find agendas for tommorow.
message my father about my plan to go to Jakarta for the internship
creambath and facial [?] hair cut [?]
cleaning up my room
packing things and looking for ticket to Jakarta
meeting my bro at night
sigh. a life of a sleepless occupied young man. which is me.
i miss my little bro abel at home. wonder how he looks like now.
how's home's been going on. i left things too long that i started to feel care free about it. have i never really like my hometown (sweet home alabama knock knock!).
wonder how Christmas this year would be like.
anyway, Rollingstone releases the people of the year edition. this year we have Lindsay Lohan (aaarrrhhh), paris hilton (jerk me!!), kanye west, James hetfield of Metalica, adam levine of Maroon 5, gwen stefani, Franz ferdinand, and some more...check the full coverage here...you can also check the galleries below
...
have a nice weekend, prepare forXmas, its only 7 days left....
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 1:50 AM [comment]
***
Friday, December 17, 2004
as the Christmas getting nearer and nearer and my worries increase day by day, today i traced a light. has he eventually realized that he's been too hard with himself and us. well, u guys might wonder what has been going on with me anyway. well, its a father and son thing. and i am in that phase. it phase. but, one may always ask that question anyway 'what a dream may com when it counters barriers?' no one would imagine that. since a dream so important when it faces barrier would lose passion to achieve it. sigh.
positively, i wont be able to go back home for Xmas. this is the road i must take. there will be next Christmas. and the next. and the next. the celebration still runs annually. but, this is Christmas. one cannot imagine that he or she stranded on a lonely night at Christmas eve. many songs always tells sad tone when it comes to the idea of spending Xmas on ur own. just right. eventually i made it to get back my cellphone. i need a new contact. since the old one already expired. gosh. so lame.
well, i cross my finger hoping for miracle. but God has made too many miracles for me. and many other people would love miracles happen upon them too. is this what He called as the quality of being Obnoxious of a God. has He ever said that? but He is everywhere. i am crossing fingers. hoping for luck and remedy.
just got back from lunch with my sister. we shared the thoughts of Xmas. since both of us are a big fan of this festive. each year we always hopes that it will be cheerful and fun. this year's has started to shine a bit. today. though there's a bit moody sparks on the corner.
yeah. i am pointless.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 3:47 PM [comment]
***
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
well...10 days before Christmas everyone. sorry i havent got the chance to update the advent calendar a bit. my mind is really occupied by now. the dullness of spending the Xmas night on my own already haunted me. again i am asking myself. is this what people always brag about. that life is a matter of option. well actually everything is so simple right. pick one. and u have to adjut urself with the option that u take. its like robert frost's poem. the road not taken.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler,
long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
i am really stressed out to know that during Christmas i must be alone. spending time in Jakarta (or somewhere on my own). missing all the trees, gathering, and family stuffs. gosh God help me to survive from the awkward feeling toward everyone. knowing that i will spend a dreadful Christmas set my sanity apart. is it that bad. hmmm. sigh. now there's christmas songs everywhere i go. christmas trees already set their feet to astonish everyone's passing. arrhhh. hahaha. everything is just great. what kind of year end is this anyway. last year it was not this terrible. now i am in this fight. how can i end it. is this that road i must take.
today. in my nap i was dreaming a strange dream. i was dreaming about a father. a father who only appeared in my dream. i didnt make it to see his face, but i could hear his voice. a very loving voice. telling me that he was in London. with some woman who she might want to marry. i was talking to a friend about our dream father. a father who supports us. understands us. is this the result of serious thoughts on things? darn it. or am i just too demanding as a son, since they said that you should know the limit.
now i am peniless. got no money to achieve that dream of mine. cast away and left alone. just right. a perfect christmas. hope this is a blessing in disguise. that someday i can make a movie out of it.hahaha. we never have a Christmas movie anyway. help me Christmas spirit.
new clothes are not the deal anymore. what i want is just the cheer.
and now back in here. buzzing around. fixing some stuffs on the template, hope u like it. its dawn. 9 days to Xmas.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:16 PM [comment]
***
Thursday, December 09, 2004
entering bahasa type of file...
loading...
selamat datang di mode bahasa Indonesia web blog
stanleyosmond.tk
mengakses folder file...
link disconnected...
reformat english version of the web blog
connection established.
downloading version.
script.
16 days before Christmas everyone and it seems that this year's Xmaswould be a total disaster for me. i cannot go home and must spend time in Jakarta to join the production crew.i mean, i cannot let this chance go. its what i have been dreaming of. now i am here i wont let it down.
i have an awful feeling of not spending Christmas at home. but i know when i am home it would be a disaster too. fight would come between me and paw. should he be that demanding. am i dissapointing his idealism. well, everyone has a different path right? tow roads diverge in a yellow forest? wrong quote?hahahaha.
well...some things r buzzing my mind. i need money. to rent the house. the registration. my living in Jakarta. i guess this is the hard life of being a man huh?
welcome to the real world i guess? sigh.
anyway, festival film Indonesia is here again.hopefully this year will rawk. cause its been years since its temporary death.i cant wait for my time to be there in the festival. i believe i will make it one day.to be there. within the nominees of best script. hahahahahah. u may dream right?
i am stuck everybody. help me. i wish i could break this chain of thoughts and freely walk away.
Christmas spirit help me!!!
sigh.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 10:16 AM [comment]
***
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
i am strainned at the moment. things went awful. quite awful for me. i am refused from going back home, and having no money at the moment force me to keep it up with things that prevent me from going home. this is sucks. why can't he be more listening? emphatic? understanding? cant he understand the idea of not losing the chance and givingyour best to achieve your dream? things dont have to go straight to the end right? in the middle of the road we face diverging path. one should be less considerable than the others, but that does not mean that one is more important than the other. why cant my father understand that this internship is once in a life time chance for me to set my mind for the world i have been dreaming of all this time? why cant he understand that sometimes money is not the rest of the world should consider as really precious. that not all matters can be evaluate with price, money. that when a chance is right in front of ur eyes you should take it cause it might not be there for u twice. darn it. he gives me such a headache.
gee...and now i am tangled within many choices. God help me.
anyway, mr T has encountered me again, while at the same time i met mr HB. with mr T i had this breaking chemistry i cannot explain . his eyes have always stroke me (like the other do actually) but he's so my type [?]....bwhaaatt?...i met him three times and there we go within the adoration for the other's form...while mr Hb is the one i would dearly hug every night since he is so warm...LOL.
well, gotta catch something now....i told u, i am tangled now. darn it.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:31 PM [comment]
***
Saturday, December 04, 2004
sigh. this is one of the worst weekend one might ever had. well, maybe i am a bit bragging. its not yet the worst nightmare. ahhh. wishing that there is one clear solvency for this. why this kinda thing has to occur this time of the year. when people might really mind to think, to brag, to stuff themselves with this kinda problemo. so unimportant. well, now its crucial. first : going back home and spend a nice yet dull Christmas talking to your father? or second : going to the capital city to evoke yourself in the sphere you have always wanted. damn, this is lame, this is awful. i cannot think of not spending christmas at home. i will miss those blub lights on the tree, the food, the gathering, the movies, the shopping, everything. darn it.
and this weekend i feel awful towards some people. quite awful. and why should my paw become this unsupportive. not the kind of parents u will find in HOllywood movies. again. sigh. i wish that he could be more supportive and encouraging than this. i mean, like he knows everything that fits to us. should a son fights his father most of the time when it comes to whats best to his son's future? we live in the different age, culture, even atmosphere. i am not saying that i know everything. but i know what i want.
anyway, the whether is such a cold one now. the winter is emerging as the autumn leaves slowly. this is winter anyway. well, its called rainy season here. it rains almost everyday everyminutes and no one knows whether it will be big or small in drops. all laundry service are full booked, and again the clothes need sunshine to dry them off. i just put mine in one the laundrette. and all of a sudden i feel like the shelves is empty. darn it. i think i need time to think of everything. think stanley, think!
anyway, have a nice weekend. period.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 2:49 PM [comment]
***
Thursday, December 02, 2004
the best thing about blogging is that the service is free. the worst thing is when u found out that someone suddenly able to edit the setting of ur blog and in minutes ruinned everything u have set. that bastard should be found. sigh. well, they might escape. mine, which was having that cool slide, suddenly brought down by some irresponsible victim of free blogging service. lately the blog service turned down, and users might meet errors when they try to log in, just like me. frequently.i got into two other's bloggers account. i might wanted to ruin everything, but i didnt. and that stupid asshole ruinned mine. he had to learn respect to someone's privacy. the result is i spent almost 4 hours to fix everything back to normal. and i lose my slides. darn it. well, i love the changes i made. somethings are still there. i lost my clock too. but i found a new hi tech looking one. this one is quite cute. and very pop.anyway, i made it to put the advent calendar too. i have put 5 dates on the template.when it comes to the 6th, i'll put 5 more.just click on the image and u'll be directed to the date with the story on it.what else? mmm...unky mood is back on the page. some links need to be refreshed.i lost the old ones. that dirty bastard. urrrgghhh. well, i have to put a new shout box too. since i lost the old one.hey, notice the new look of the link...these ones are cool. hahaha.
darn it. at 6 something this morning i have to take my sisters to campus. and i havent sleep yet. ah, it seems that i will have a big sleep this morning. possibly. huaahhmmm.
this far i have finished
anak-anak tepi sungai. a new draft. i feel likely that my producer would love this one. huaahhhm.
i am sleepy. but, i think i will go to burjo first. need a morning meal.darn it.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 4:40 AM [comment]
***
