Wednesday, December 15, 2004
well...10 days before Christmas everyone. sorry i havent got the chance to update the advent calendar a bit. my mind is really occupied by now. the dullness of spending the Xmas night on my own already haunted me. again i am asking myself. is this what people always brag about. that life is a matter of option. well actually everything is so simple right. pick one. and u have to adjut urself with the option that u take. its like robert frost's poem. the road not taken.
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler,
long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.
i am really stressed out to know that during Christmas i must be alone. spending time in Jakarta (or somewhere on my own). missing all the trees, gathering, and family stuffs. gosh God help me to survive from the awkward feeling toward everyone. knowing that i will spend a dreadful Christmas set my sanity apart. is it that bad. hmmm. sigh. now there's christmas songs everywhere i go. christmas trees already set their feet to astonish everyone's passing. arrhhh. hahaha. everything is just great. what kind of year end is this anyway. last year it was not this terrible. now i am in this fight. how can i end it. is this that road i must take.
today. in my nap i was dreaming a strange dream. i was dreaming about a father. a father who only appeared in my dream. i didnt make it to see his face, but i could hear his voice. a very loving voice. telling me that he was in London. with some woman who she might want to marry. i was talking to a friend about our dream father. a father who supports us. understands us. is this the result of serious thoughts on things? darn it. or am i just too demanding as a son, since they said that you should know the limit.
now i am peniless. got no money to achieve that dream of mine. cast away and left alone. just right. a perfect christmas. hope this is a blessing in disguise. that someday i can make a movie out of it.hahaha. we never have a Christmas movie anyway. help me Christmas spirit.
new clothes are not the deal anymore. what i want is just the cheer.
and now back in here. buzzing around. fixing some stuffs on the template, hope u like it. its dawn. 9 days to Xmas.
stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 7:16 PM [comment]
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