its not always easy to have one stranger inside your house. not just inside your house, but deeper, into your selfish, egotistic, already to crowded with troubles life. what if it is not just one, but the whole bunch of famille in one big shot. someone you might never consider to be a part of your life years ago. people whom never really pass your thoughts. you never think about them and years before you are just strangers passing on the street.without never really saying 'hello.' someone who lived at the back of your house. a neighbor. people you dont actually know. these lines are such egotistical sentence. i am trying so hard to figure out my feelings, towards them. my psychiatrist said that it helps to defy what, and how do u actually feel towards the cause of your problem. they were problems for me.

i get used to my old life that its hard for me to take the idea that i am stepping, i was entering a new phase of life. a chapter of my life that i eventually had to close and putting most of it to the so called memories, inside an album,and only able to witness, to remember them by watching them. pictures which already old. old pictures where my childhood in a very faraway place was the only memoir of happiness i ever had.

i realize exactly that i have a link which is missing. a link which actually really helpful to determine who i am now. but up to now, i dont know what it was and where it had gone too. i am too tired to search for it, cause life has been calling me to follow him. i would be left behind if i keep looking for that blur piece. though its blur, i remember exactly that within that piece was the greatest love i ever have, hold, embrace. i am being too moody with my lines huh? but i guess i dont brag about my sadness cause i do know what i am missing in the corner. its an important piece.

as time goes by, after the loss i had years ago, my pages turn colorful, again. for three years or so my pages were dim and i can only see blurry color of ashes, white but not exactly white. i have to bring these people to my senses. accept them as what we know as family. they are my familie now. was it that bad when you loss someone that you really love. i never thought that i could lose someone. but i did.i loss my mom.

she's the missing piece i told you before. she's the piece with the greatest love. and i could only see herold pictures now. which makes me quite sad cause i only have a few of them.

now i have these people with me.with whom i have to share my thoughts. my life. the bond of blood. we came from the same root. we have the blood of our father running within our veins. they are some of the smiles within my life. hopefully tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow i can understand more, appreciate more of them to my life. let me introduce you to them.