Friday, May 06, 2005

i woke up this morning and received an sms from my father.

father: son, when will you graduate?

son: ...

i was waking up from a very nice sleep. it was 5am in the morning, and i drop my eyes onto the incoming message.i could not continue my sleep.i quickly took my bath and went here. i am going grizzly. he made me so awful about myself,all of a sudden. there are many people out there who are...proud enough to fight their father. i am probably one of them. but its sadder,even more, for me, to know that up to now, i still cant make him happy of what i am doing for my life.
all the way here, i suddenly think how happy he was when he had me the first time on his hands. on my way here,i saw a young father with his cute little son. they sat next down to the dirty river of mataram ditch,a current that passes their house.i wonder, did my father take me out in the morning when i was so small, greet the morning.
i wonder if he was very happy to have me for the first time, and now all i can do is piss him off.
God, please dont make me waste his love for me.

stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:42 AM [comment]

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