my uncle lent me a book. it was called 'the secret of thinking big.' or something else sound like that. for me, any book exposing such title is just any self help book written by some smart ass who think that they know ones problem better than that person himself. and i put away such books cause no one will ever reckon my problem better than myself. and i wont let other people tell me what to do considering my problems, meaning...mmm, i am one smart ass myself. gag.
and actually with such blocked life that i have, i need those kinda books. yeah right...
my father gave me such book, cause he thinks i should put my dream of becoming a writer and a director into the deepest ground. i found that very undemocratic, less likely to be called fatherhood, and insulting. i didnt care, and i threw his book away from my sight.
i actually tried to avoid any possible conversation with him since he kept me from going to Jakarta.

that darn book was called 'secret of thinking big' or something else like that.

what you are thinking will form or defy the person you are. and if you juggling around or inside a less creative comunity or people you will be uncreative yourself. thinking big means you have a certain goal you want to achieve within the next 5 or 10 or 20 years by thinking big.

lets start with the quote.

how my life would be in the next 5 years?

"i want to become a professional writer, writing debatable, absurd stuff almost likely uncapable of being considered by simple mind. i have written several award winning books, and some cheap sleazy love story dedicated to my loveless persona.

because i am a professional writer, i manage to buy land and houses in Jakarta, Bali, and Singapore-some of the cities where i want to live.

all those houses are simple, modern, and functional related to my personality. they have works of several famous artists ever lived. to mention a few, Andy warhol and Dali. i want to have a house just like Kanye wants his house.

i would travel from one of those houses to another house whenever i needed a boost of ideas. i would comeback at dawn from wild parties to rest inside those houses and feeling glad cause i still have places to go back home even though there's no one waiting for me there.

during my leisure time of writing i would direct music videos of some notable artists out there. if there is any asian Mike Romanek or Samuel Bayer, that would be me.

i dont need cars, cause i like to take public transportations. and if i do need car, i would by a VW.

i would be single by this age, cause i still think that being alone is the best way to sleep with anyone i want, despite of sex, wherever i want within those houses i mentioned before.

i would dress just like weezer vocalists, and i would have the same glasses as his.

i would be noted as prolific writer and director stands within his idealistic absurd and sex life.

i would be running away from my tyrant father and never would have to go back home fullfilling his wants towards me.

i would mingle among models, notable directors, and wild people as i do, and live our own bubble. despite any criticism towards us. cause life is a form of creativity for us.

i would let my siblings to become whoever whatever they wanted to be.

i am still 29 this time. and i still havent considered of marrying somebody."

thats what happen if i think BIG.