4 days left to Christmas, and things went worst around me. its like a completion to the awful things that happened to me. actually it is not awful. if i consider these through budhits state of mind then i can call it 'shit happens.' some things happened to me, and the rest happened to other people.

anyway, tomorrow is national mother's day. or is it international? well still..i miss my mom a lot. though i have a new mom now, the thing is she's only like 5 or 6 or 7 years older than me. how i can call her mom? things have went hard between me and dad about this thing. i was like shock. my biological mother can never be replaced anyway. i am like...60% of her. okay, is it okay for u guys to read me brag here? so let us cut it out. i dont deserve to spill everything here. but one thing: when u still have ur mother around, love her-i mean it, she might be the only reason that u r still standing strong up to now. love her and tell her that u love her. cause no one knows tomorrow (okay, fat as poetic me!). i regret it all my life for not letting her know that i love her so much. i know its too late. but being possitive is okay. i asked my nerve once, while u became this lame and weak and spoiled, and sick and awful, and low most of ur times. and it answered like this: u miss someone and she can't be with you and u feel hurt about it. and i could only silence myself. it's right. damn right. i feel terrible about it. up to now. anyway, this is a picture of me and my sisters when we were only kids. we lived in this very old house on the northern part of remote area of borneo. my father is a civil cervant and he had to move everywhere on request.

okay, the latest topic is : shit happens.

exhibit A, which actually happened. a boy named A, stays under the same roof with C and me. and A has this beautiful girl friend called B. somehow C also has a crush to B that when A found out about this backstreet love, A almost killed C. the show still goes on and C hid himself somehwere we dont know. i think no one should know and he should be gone by now. if not A would really kill him, for sure. and i would silence myself. for sure. gosh. it was like watching a hongkong movie. young and dangerous.

exhibit B, a guy named D stays under the same roof with me, A, and C. a friend of D, in his campus, a girl called E got pregnant with her boyfriend F. fuck his boyfriend. he fucked E and now she's with a baby and they dont know what to do. E then told D that she wanted to abort the baby. for God sake. as a good friend of E, D was sort of responsible and he met this headache cause E asked him about the safest and closest abortion nurse. For God sake. and fuck D because he asked me whether E should abort her baby. fuck me, suddenly i said 'how old is the baby? why dont u tell her to take pills?' fuck me.i was like shocked by thousands of volts. screw me cause i said those things. i must repent myself for being a stupid consultants. me and my big mouth. i involved myself in this plotting to kill a life. life of a kid who might never be able to see and to learn the beauty of life. u know what i really want to say to both of kiddos who did it with pointless thoughts : tell your parents to marry u guys!

D said that tomorrow he will be leaving to Semarang cause his friend knows how to do it. screw us. this is a devil loop hole. and we are stuck.

sigh. hopefully the baby is safe. cause a friend of mine, a close one is also having a baby now and she's getting married in January. oh i miss her. i think E should asks F to marry her and let them have the baby.

you can learn about abortion here. learn about how dangerous it is and how precious a little life can be.if u dont know what to do, find someone who can help you, or tell your parents!

oghhhh....now i am screwed...i cannot think!!