its Christmas eve everyone!! whoops...eventually, this is the result of a tiresome waiting, possibly. cause for some people in the world, its the Christmas eve that counts, the waiting that counts, while when the Christmas itself comes the joy would cease a bit. and that happens on me too. i love the waiting, i love the night, i love the whole months, weeks, days we expect the birth of savior, but when it comes suddenly we realize that it will be away shortly, since the new year also emerges a head. its not a waste though. its just that the joy decreases a bit. and for a guy like me who happens to enjoy the waiting so much then it would be a lame week a head before new year's eve. thats it. and breaking news everyone:i wont be home for Xmas eve, Xmas day. i got this ticket destination Pontianak next tuesday. arhhhh. whats the point anyway? surprise: i am not that blue anymore thinking that i would spend the Xmas here alone. by far, i guess i can survive. oh come on stanley: its only blue Christmas. it wont get any worse. yeah. meaning that i would delay everything until the next tuesday. until i can meet my siblings, parents, families, old friends, the real trees, cookies. gosh.

i wonder, if now i already feel okay of not spending Xmas at home, what will happen within years a head? i'd be this awkward young male spending Christmas alone, all alone, and i would feel okay about it. has the harsh life formed me so well, this hard? like a pavement on the road, concrete on the walls? does modernity has something to do with the loss of natural feelings towards Christmas? people cannot lost their ideas on Christmas. Xmas cannot be compensate. the real thing is the best thing. would Xmas ceased day by day that the feeling of togetherness during Xmas eve suddenly dissapear? ohh, i am freaking out. who can't live without Christmas raise your hand! i will.
anyway, tonight might be the second Xmas eve i evet spent in jogja. which is dull. cause the first time i spent Xmas eve here was very much dull either. i knew no one. i was like 'what am i doing here...i suppose 2 stay at home with my families, going to church, whatever makes me happy this evening.' i thought that i could not come home. but now my father wants me to go home. i am expecting a battle of wit with him. i dont expect this. may be he does. and many plans changed this far. i am totally unavailable for janji jhoni. and can only be available on the set by january. sigh. darn.darn.darn. thats it. enough for plans. apparently, Rachel Maryam is also enrolled in the cast. it would be great to meet her on the set.
my sisters would embark themselves to Pontianak today. and i will take tomorrow's plane (if available), or either the 28th, since i enrolled myself at the latest time---okay this line is not usefull anymore, since its obvious that i will go home on the 28th. i went to Batavia air to check the queues. i lost my chance. okay then. 4 days left.

meaning that i should enlist things i can do on Xmas day by my own:

washing all my dirty clothes so that i'd be packing clean clothes when i'm going home;

clean my room so that it wont get any dusti-er after i get back home cause it seems that i will be home really later on in February;

what else? calling Budi and spend Xmas with him? so gay. well, i think he would be here.

suddenly i remember that once i had these old Christmas records, with songs from Nat king cole, frank, jim reeves, elvis, Andy Williams, perry como--ahh they were men who built the way i am now. bit vintage.

many people go home for Xmas, many people dont. and i am in the middle. i feel awkward, but i also feel less distressed.

i suppose i should listen to more Xmas songs today. its Xmas eve anyway. tonight there will be a big mass. see u there? well, i have these images from friends abroad who also celebrate Christmas with their fams, enjoy it: thanks to matt, and mewesq

merry Christmas everyone!