Wednesday, February 09, 2005

i was taking a stupid quiz in a forum which have been so popular lately. the quiz targeted to seek, to analyze how old r u actualy inside, assuming that the actual age is just age and your pyschology determine your real condition. some got younger than their actual age while i got older than my actual age. all this time i believe that my being kids all this times is basically because i am still a kid inside, i believe that it will take so much time to make me realize that i am growing older through these years. yet, the result of the quiz told me that i am not an adolesence anymore. i have wonders on sex, future, love, work and so excited about it. in fact thats all the things that occupy me. i was asking myself: i am not that kid anymore. neverland is not my place cause i am growing up, even faster than some people who took the quiz. i was pretty much believing that compared to people around me i am still young at heart but the result of that quiz did not say so. i have those thoughts in my mind that justify who i am now. wonders on love (sex), jobs, future and i am so excited about it. i am excited.i am always excited to things in front of me. thats the way i view the future. the result of the quiz did not even mention a single thing about me having a tiny winy bitty piece of my child hood. some weeks ago i was still sure that i am still a kid. since i believe that even if you are getting older each seconds but you are still a kid to your parents and there are parents who cannot accept the fact that their kids are getting older and that makes them concern so much abour their kids since they always view them as kids. remember the movie the father of the bride? steve martin could not accept the fact his daughter is getting married. he still believe that his daughter should stay at home. when this happens to someone then its hard for them to face the world.
well, its not that i am bothered enough by the fact that actually my heart lies to me. but its the future.

in fact that i am always thinking about the future. ohhh...I am a man now. put yourself all together then. i wonder if this topic would make a good premise for a movie. what would a man do if his damn heart actually is lying all the time to him. that all these times he believe that he is a kid but when he takes that stupid quiz he is much older than he thinks.

anyway, its ash wednesday today.the wednesday that marks the beginning of fasting month for Christians. for fourty days one is obliged to eat as much as once a day during the fasting day (wednesday and friday) until the easter comes.one is also abliged not to eat they favorite food during the fasting month as a sign of deep sorry, and great tolerance for what Christ has done to save us. hopefully this year i can really put my self within this holly state. i have been a wreck and a bad ass in the past years. never been that serious to do any religious stuffs. i am far away from Him. do not You think so? i do not want to leave Him anyway. i do not want to be the one who is left behind by Him when I need Him. i believe all this time that i can do it by myself. well, in some particular moment there are things i need His deal within that bussiness. do You get that?



ahh. i am 27 now.seriously, i am 27, having a body of 22, and really wondering about my future.



stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 6:25 PM [comment]

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