stanley dirgapradja

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

many things happened during days and eventually you can call it a week, but this one has not ended yet. i was pretty much busy with chasing the dreams, cause i really remember and really trust the idea that if you dont chase your dreams while you can, you would regret that for life. and i dont want to regret things when i grew older. there. so i am sorry dad if up to this time i still have not finish my study. sigh. i feel so terrible about this anyway, everyday. do you think i can do something, well there is. some one told me to stop doing chasing some of that dream. but i just could not.so here i am with my second movie. the shooting days are ended already. yesterday for sure. not pretty much memories were made, except that i am really tired in this project. just imagine, i was doing all the things on my own. i wrote the story myself, i shot the movie myself, i directed it myself, and only tyo helped me.i guess i have told you guys that most of my previous crew are busy doing the play performance. i have been there, twice...so i know exactly that they cannot be bothered. anyway, the shooting was finished yesterday when i took the videos where the casts are buying the sengsu. i remembered that in my whole life i was eating that dog meat, literally, once only and compared to what i saw yesterday the look and the smell was a lot different. so i just sit there and watched my casts eating that sengsu, hungrily. honestly, i almost vomit when i smell the odor of the food. it smelled different. i did not remember the exact smell of that food. but the smell ensure me that i wont eat that thing.to make it lot worst i met a cute dog in the same morning the afternoon we bought the sengsu, and before we went to buy the sengsu i met someone who later told me that the cute white dog died of breathing infection. what the fuck does that mean? well, i did notice that the cute white dog shivered all the time and he walked like a drunken puppy. the first time i saw that puppy i thought that he was just got out of his mommy's womb. but actually he was sick. darn it. he was too cute to die. enough of dog.
last week i was pretty mad towards some of my friends who, well...i dont know whether its cool enough to still treat them like friends. you see, they hide many things from me, they dont want me in their activities, they group themselves and do things on their own and they take some of my close friends in that activity. its pretty obvious that they dont want me. what else.a pretty obvvious rejection which made me feel terrible of having friends like them. fuck. who do they think they are. my brother told me to be cool. but i just could not. they have to respect my feeling. if they keep doing things like this i dont know if i still can laugh and see their face, ever again.

God. what did i do wrong. at first i was trying to be kind enough to deal with them, but lately they been butting everything.i am so lucky i dont have to meet them all the time. fuck. i guess there are kinds of people who think that they can manage what the society can do, how the society should behave towards one, well...i must have forgotten many things.

i'd rather edit my movie than noticing them behaving so lame.

anyway, enjoy these images, got them when we shoot the movie, or just go to the blog instead, the link is also on this page...