Saturday, August 27, 2005

at the moment i am writing a story about some people who seek for true love. the love of their life. the story is supposed to be a movie script later at the last part of the writing. while at the moment i am still doing research on the story. i told a friend of mine that i will write the story so fluent, so dramatic, and so well...i dont know. i told that friend of mine that this story will open people's eyes on the love that they are fighting for. whereevr that is, the love exists, whether that is true love or just a temporary passion or lust there are people who fight for it. the writing itself was build by some stories that i had absorbed these couple of months. its true that you can write something easily if you know the background, or the story probably belongs to you. it is arguable that stories or movies out there who had raised people's awareness are mostly based on true stories. and the one that i have been writing right now are losely adapted from the life itself.

the past few weeks since my returning to jogja i also had plunged myself into some friends' love story. and mine flocked around among them too. its getting even more complicated, yet then i realized that we all are fighting for this thing called love. we need clarification here on our so called love. our so called soul mate. our so called feelings. the emotional state that everyday surrounds us, torture us and even kill us. and there is no end to it.
damn. i am blocked, i dont know what to write again.
okay. there is this friend of mine who wanted to break up with her boyfriend and the boy said no. my friend, the girl, said that the guy had broke her heart so frequent that she does not know whether she can forgive him again. she said that has her forgiveness becomes so cheap? and is she that worth it to be fought for? that is a question you out there..
then there is this guy, a friend of mine too, who is losely attached to his old girl friend. a girl from his home town, a girl he could never escaped from. a girl, he said, whenever he gone she will be the end of it, he will keep coming back to her. the way he told his version of the story i got the idea that well, they are in love, but their mind said 'wait for another years.' things might change. and some things dont change. i notice that this friend of mine and that girl has something so quirky that i can call it love. probably it is love. the unspeakable truth where you and her, you and him, just can sing a song anytime you meet, you dont know or even you cant say it, but its there, in your eyes. god, why people love to resist their feelings? that includes me anyway. if only people know how to say their feelings probably everyone in this life would be relieved. towards their blocked and strangled state. love is frustrating most of the times. aight?
dont ask me dude, i am tired with hola love shit things...in the end i like being alone. okay, probably dont really like it, but i feel more comfortable this way. i dont hurt people. i laugh as much as i want. no body hurts. though by the end of the day i still feel alone. but its okay, everyone has their own share of loneliness.
on this phase of life, i am still 23, there are questions to answer, but some questions are really hard to be spilled out...

honey i love you,
why dont you just take it...eat it, dont fake it...
honey i love you, but probably you dont get used to or even hard to take the truth about yourself..
honey i love you but you make me cant love you anymore...
i dont want to cry because of this, but you make me wake up my dear..
that people have to choose, what state they want to live in..they breathe in..
probably you have fixed and choose that way and left me here alone,
waiting for another lover probably, but fuck you honey...
the day you went, i thought no one would ever replace that smile of yours..
the crazy smile you painted everytime we make love...as if what we did was not true enough for you...
or what we had was just a game for you? what was my heart to you? what was this feeling i have for you?
some kind of break time snacks for you?
i dont blame life for introducing us in that intersection of life, but i wonder if i can meet some one as pretty as you again..
by the end of the day i always wonder about sundays we spent...you would accompany me by nights...
i miss your hug anyway dear...i want to look at those eyes again, anytime i watch it you would turn away shyfully...
but i just want to make love to you...
cant you just come back...
will there be someone out there who love you like i do?
dear i am tired of questioning your leaving again and again again...
if i got a gun right here i would go to you and shot you directly to your forehead and search for the truth of your awkward leaving...
probably you are just some bitch who love to shag and sleep around...
probably i am just one of your endless adventure, of sex, and anything,
probably your glad enough to hump me, and then leave without a trace...
what was the smile for anyway...
fuck you baby, after all this time, i still want you...please come back..or
tell me where you are, i'll pick you up...
and we'll make love tonight on my warm bed...
help me, paint that smile again, leave some sweats on my bed...


above is question..

stanley dirgapradja@petit garcon 8:31 PM [comment]

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